Let's all get crazy with the cheeze wiz

PUT Y0UR M0USE 0VER 0NE 0F THE PEOPLES BODiES.

Guy facts:

when a guy calls u
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world

When you're laying you head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else

Girl facts:

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering what your answers are.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful. ..

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she wants to hear your voice.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be around you because you make her happy .

When a girl says, "I'll love you forever,"
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS
NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.
THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED. IT
WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD." WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE
AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD:
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE
WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL
HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY
THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY
TOGETHER

EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T CARE FOR HER, AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY
OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE
WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF
MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE
GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE
AND ECSTASY (woo hoo ) WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A
CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!
DON'T WORRY DAD; I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR
GRANDCHILDREN .

YOUR SON,

Bill

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST
WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD
THAT'S IN MY DESK, CENTER DRAWER. I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and,
then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

16. Put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up

Ok, so there's this samurai competition, and there's this journalist that is going around interviewing the third, second, and first place winners.  He goes up to the 3rd place winner, and states, "Hey I saw that competition, and it was pretty good.  I kind of missed the ending, and I was just wondering what was it that you did to get first place?"  The samurai states, "well, you see that fly overthere" Swoosh, the samurai cuts in in half with his sword right on mid air.  "wow that's amazing, I can't believe someone beat that, what could possibly beat that?", the journalist stated.  "well he's right over there, why don't you ask him?"  The samurai answeared.  The journalist asks the second place samurai what was it that he did to win the second place.  "Well, you see that fly overthere", states the samurai.  Swoosh, the samurai slashes the fly in four.  "wow that's amazing, I can't believe someone beat that, what could possibly beat that?", the journalist stated.  "well he's right over there, why don't you ask him?"  The samurai answeared.  The journalist asks the first place samurai what was it that he did to win the first place.  The samurai states, "you see that fly overthere?", Swoosh, the fly keeps going.  The journalist says, "well what happened, that fly kept going, you didn't cut it into any peices, what's going on?"  The samurai says, "Oh yes, that fly kept flying but that fly will never have children!"

There are more 20-year-old virgins now than there were in the late '50s.

You wouldn't know it from watching Sex and the City, but most women have had fewer than five sex partners. Most men chalk up fewer than 10 sexual conquests in their whole lives.

Both women and men are most likely to have their first orgasm alone.

The US has more laws governing sexual behavior than every country in Europe combined.

A condom will lasts about a month in a wallet before the rubber gets worn down by friction, making it more likely to break.

The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.

According to a 1996 study, homophobia men show a higher arousal rate when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward homosexuals.

Jews and Atheists have more sex partners than Catholics or Protestants.

A woman sexually peaks in her early 30s, a man in his late teens.

Circumcision for Christian males became widespread after doctors claimed it helped curb self-abuse. (Since this isn't the case, Why is it still happening?)

Thirty percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation.

The average male member in all its glory is five inches long and four inches in circumference.

Seventies porn star Annie Sprinkle claims to have had sex with more than 3,000 men.

The average amount of male ejaculate is about one tablespoon, or 10cc, which is how the bands 10cc and Lovin' Spoonful got their names.

White women get 97% of boob jobs.

Texas law makes it illegal for a woman to own more than six sex toys.

August and September are the months with the highest level of sexual activity.

Brainy chicks are kinkier.

College grads have more oral sex than high school dropouts, and with with Ph.D's are twice as likely to want a one-night stand than those with bachelor's degrees.

Oral sex is illegal in Arizona, Florida, Minnesota, Louisiana, part of Michigan, North and South Carolina, Utah and Virginia. In Idaho, it can get you life in prison.

Premarital sex was illegal in Connecticut until the late 1960s.

A 15-year old girl in Mississippi can marry without parental consent, but must wait a year to legally have sex with her husband.

One in three men cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. Only 28% of female cheaters get caught.

Fifteen percent of priests and nuns break their vows of chastity.

The vast majority of men come within six minutes of penetration.

The age of consent in the US is primarily between 16 and 18.

However, in liberal Hawaii, 14-year-olds are allowed to have sex as adults.

For centuries, the Catholic church declared "man on top" the only acceptable position for sex. It's called the missionary position because missionaries were to teach it as part of their efforts to "civilize" non-Christian races.

Receiving oral sex is No. 1 on American males' sexual top 10, with straight intercourse, threesomes and groping in the top five.

The biggest wang on record is 12 inches erect.

J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde, Chief Crazy Horse, Pope Paul II and Pope Julius III, Leonard Bernstein, Alexander the Great, Sigmund Freud, Lawrence of Arabia, Plato, Peter Tchaikovsky and Florence Nightingale were all gay or bi.

Until 1972 in the US, homosexuality was officially a mental illness, classified as such along with schizophrenia and multiple personalities.

The average age for both genders for a first sexual experience is 17.

repost this and have good sex for a year. if you don't repost it then you will have bad sex for 5 years.
make the subject something sex related.
now go repost

Go to this site http://blockbuster.com/homepages/LoadBlockbusterHomepage.... blockbuster online.  It's a great way to watch all the movies you want.

Ever wonder why men think alot, and women talk so
much....?
MEN....have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips

The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque
and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile...Keep
this one goin...

If u have have sex 365 times a year and you melted
down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would you call
it?
A Fucking Goodyear!

Sex is like playing spades. If you don't have a good
partner, you
better have a good hand.

Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood to lift her top
so he could suck her tits. No, she said while lifting
her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says you do.

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. The cat
fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet
pussy always makes a cock happy!

Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without
water, bleed without injury(and for 5 days without
dieing), and make boneless things hard

Oh, and putting sticks into holes is always fun!!!  Just try it.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.