Let's all get crazy with the cheeze wiz

Ok, so there's this samurai competition, and there's this journalist that is going around interviewing the third, second, and first place winners.  He goes up to the 3rd place winner, and states, "Hey I saw that competition, and it was pretty good.  I kind of missed the ending, and I was just wondering what was it that you did to get first place?"  The samurai states, "well, you see that fly overthere" Swoosh, the samurai cuts in in half with his sword right on mid air.  "wow that's amazing, I can't believe someone beat that, what could possibly beat that?", the journalist stated.  "well he's right over there, why don't you ask him?"  The samurai answeared.  The journalist asks the second place samurai what was it that he did to win the second place.  "Well, you see that fly overthere", states the samurai.  Swoosh, the samurai slashes the fly in four.  "wow that's amazing, I can't believe someone beat that, what could possibly beat that?", the journalist stated.  "well he's right over there, why don't you ask him?"  The samurai answeared.  The journalist asks the first place samurai what was it that he did to win the first place.  The samurai states, "you see that fly overthere?", Swoosh, the fly keeps going.  The journalist says, "well what happened, that fly kept going, you didn't cut it into any peices, what's going on?"  The samurai says, "Oh yes, that fly kept flying but that fly will never have children!"

There are more 20-year-old virgins now than there were in the late '50s.

You wouldn't know it from watching Sex and the City, but most women have had fewer than five sex partners. Most men chalk up fewer than 10 sexual conquests in their whole lives.

Both women and men are most likely to have their first orgasm alone.

The US has more laws governing sexual behavior than every country in Europe combined.

A condom will lasts about a month in a wallet before the rubber gets worn down by friction, making it more likely to break.

The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.

According to a 1996 study, homophobia men show a higher arousal rate when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward homosexuals.

Jews and Atheists have more sex partners than Catholics or Protestants.

A woman sexually peaks in her early 30s, a man in his late teens.

Circumcision for Christian males became widespread after doctors claimed it helped curb self-abuse. (Since this isn't the case, Why is it still happening?)

Thirty percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation.

The average male member in all its glory is five inches long and four inches in circumference.

Seventies porn star Annie Sprinkle claims to have had sex with more than 3,000 men.

The average amount of male ejaculate is about one tablespoon, or 10cc, which is how the bands 10cc and Lovin' Spoonful got their names.

White women get 97% of boob jobs.

Texas law makes it illegal for a woman to own more than six sex toys.

August and September are the months with the highest level of sexual activity.

Brainy chicks are kinkier.

College grads have more oral sex than high school dropouts, and with with Ph.D's are twice as likely to want a one-night stand than those with bachelor's degrees.

Oral sex is illegal in Arizona, Florida, Minnesota, Louisiana, part of Michigan, North and South Carolina, Utah and Virginia. In Idaho, it can get you life in prison.

Premarital sex was illegal in Connecticut until the late 1960s.

A 15-year old girl in Mississippi can marry without parental consent, but must wait a year to legally have sex with her husband.

One in three men cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. Only 28% of female cheaters get caught.

Fifteen percent of priests and nuns break their vows of chastity.

The vast majority of men come within six minutes of penetration.

The age of consent in the US is primarily between 16 and 18.

However, in liberal Hawaii, 14-year-olds are allowed to have sex as adults.

For centuries, the Catholic church declared "man on top" the only acceptable position for sex. It's called the missionary position because missionaries were to teach it as part of their efforts to "civilize" non-Christian races.

Receiving oral sex is No. 1 on American males' sexual top 10, with straight intercourse, threesomes and groping in the top five.

The biggest wang on record is 12 inches erect.

J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde, Chief Crazy Horse, Pope Paul II and Pope Julius III, Leonard Bernstein, Alexander the Great, Sigmund Freud, Lawrence of Arabia, Plato, Peter Tchaikovsky and Florence Nightingale were all gay or bi.

Until 1972 in the US, homosexuality was officially a mental illness, classified as such along with schizophrenia and multiple personalities.

The average age for both genders for a first sexual experience is 17.

repost this and have good sex for a year. if you don't repost it then you will have bad sex for 5 years.
make the subject something sex related.
now go repost

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Ever wonder why men think alot, and women talk so
much....?
MEN....have 2 heads and WOMEN have 4 lips

The American Dental Association says semen cuts plaque
and tartar by 77%. Suck a dick and save a smile...Keep
this one goin...

If u have have sex 365 times a year and you melted
down all the condoms 2 make a tire what would you call
it?
A Fucking Goodyear!

Sex is like playing spades. If you don't have a good
partner, you
better have a good hand.

Big Bad Wolf told lil red riding hood to lift her top
so he could suck her tits. No, she said while lifting
her skirt, eat me like the fuckin book says you do.

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. The cat
fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet
pussy always makes a cock happy!

Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without
water, bleed without injury(and for 5 days without
dieing), and make boneless things hard

Oh, and putting sticks into holes is always fun!!!  Just try it.

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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